So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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