she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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