I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
