Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
