if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
