someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
