when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
