Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
