do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
