Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
