One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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