Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
