Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
