sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
