What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
