so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
