my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
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I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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