If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
