i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
