My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize