I'm so fucking centered right now
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
