I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
