I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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