And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Every concussion has its silver lining
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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