The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
