she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
