Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
