I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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