At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
