He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
