he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
