I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
