I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
