there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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