thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
