I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
