McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
