If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
