I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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