Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
