doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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