i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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