mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
