Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
