Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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