final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
