Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've blown a few things in my day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
