I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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