my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
