She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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