Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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