I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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