I could make wine with my vomit
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
