his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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