i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
