Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
