i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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