please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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