yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
