my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
