I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
