I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
